Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Corruption Ho!

Ahoy, Maties!

Avast! Arrr! Batten down yer hatches and tilt yer grog to the Pirate Shanty for Our Times! Aarrr! This ain't no scurvy musick, like the saltless simperin' preferred by sart'n land-lubbin' lib'r'ls we know! Aarrr! Nay, this humerous harmonie be gettin' hearty howls outta all sixteen men on any dead man's chest! Yo-ho-ho and a bottle o' political satire!

As ye know, thar ain't no more cruelly effective solution to the world's problims than to harpoon 'em with a few sharp jabs o' comedy. Arrr! Prodded with a hale and hearty belly larff, greed, mayhem, murder, an' social injustice soon be walkin' the plank to them sardonic sharks sneerin' up from th' briny deep below! Yo-ho-ho! Ike ike ike ike ike ike ike!

And so it be in that thar spirit which I now offer ye all a toothsome hand-signed CD of "Raise the Jolly Roger" fer the mere price o' 12 green dollers cash!

Shiver me timbers, did you 'ear right? Aye! Barely a fraction of a doubloon! Countin' inflation!

Why not haff o' that? My cutlass will pertend it didn't 'ear that scurvy question, mateys. But if I had, I'd say it's because I've added a treasure chest o' other songs so scandalous the CIA is prayin' you don't 'ear so much as the blarsted titles! Aye, the fun will close them AND the Vatican down! Aaarrrr!

Ticklin' them skulls and bones,

Cap'n Tom Dark


Tom Dark (copyright etc)

Ahoy! We're the hale me-hearty mighty pirates as of yore
The fickle-fingered mother's sons of  Babylon's Big Whore,
We'll steal your stuff and swash your buckles 'til they're stiff and sore!
We've sailed by today to say that Business is better than ever before!

With our fancy new enhancements we do more than sail the seas
Our ships have names like Abrams tanks, A-tens and F-sixteens
E-Z payment plans will partly replace your rape and robbery!
As we raise the Jolly Roger o'er the Land of Liberty!

So pledge allegiance to the Jolly Roger if you please!
(Little sailor's hornpipe dance here)

We bring refrigerators and we bring new SUVs
Expensive sneakers, microwaves the latest DVDs
We'll fill your face with fast food 'til your fat falls past your knees
Then we'll sell you diet drinks and drugs and dope and more disease!

Make no mistake we're on the make until your final breath
So don't complain we'll cause you pain,
we could nickel and dime you to death!

Nickel and dime ya ta death!

Nickel and dime ya ta death!

Nickel and dime ya! Nickel and dime ya!



So if you've got a mean dictator who just hates it when you're free
We will crush this freedom hater 'neath the wheels of a Humvee
Then we'll raise the Jolly Roger o'er where he used to be!
And indulge your uncontrollable urge to buy a Democracy

And install new low-priced leaders for a very reasonable fee!

As the cannon's mighty roar keeps our business interests free!

And we roam from shore to shore, trying not to look greedeee!

As your resources get explored, for their profitability!

As we raised the Jolly Roger o'er the Land of Libertee

'Til all mankind will march in step with our ideologee!

So don't you weep, just stay asleep, it's all you're meant to be!

As we wrap the Jolly Roger 'round your calls for decency!

This message brought to you by pirates from the laaaaand
Tweedle de deedle de dunk!

write to tomdark10@yahoo.com


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